The pleasure of observation…

How to handle a choleric person…?? Help!

on February 25, 2012

If you have ever done some psychology studies or done any personality test, I’m sure you have heard about different personality typology systems. The most famous is probably the Jung-Briggs Myers typology, often used by HR professionals for specifying the right career path for someone. The most ancient one is, however, the 4 personality types, developed into a theory by Hippocrates. According to the predominant body fluids and governing elements, he set up 4 human temperaments: “sanguine“, “choleric” (the two extroverted types), “melancholic” and “phlegmatic” (the 2 introverted types). Find out your own type here

Obviously, all the four types have their positive and negative traits, however, me, as a true sanguine character, of the 4 character types I find my fellow extroverted character, the choleric the most difficult to handle. This is the first time that a real choleric person emerged in my life, and I am totally perplexed about how to handle them.

Characterised by the element Fire, yellow bile as body fluid, the color fiery red and the characteristics of “Hot” and “Dry,  the choleric person is highly unstable, hence can burst into flames any moment. They have a strong will and passion, extreme ambition in their profession and a keen intellect, never satisfied with the ordinary, but aspire the Great in everything… but what to do with their extreme impulsiveness, stubbornness, hard-headedness, domineering and controlling nature, vehement anger coming out of the blue, based on pure exaggerations?

In one moment you talk to them rationally, totally calmly, making short and longer term plans, and in the next moment they act according to the sharp opposite, destroying everything fixed so far. Total unpredictability, and the day after the cycle starts again and their real self comes back again.

Clearly, with every person around we have to focus on and appreciate the virtues, accept them as they are, but the questions remain: is it ever possible to disregard furious outbursts when from one moment to the other someone turns into an intolerable monster, verbally offending you on a regular basis?  Can you ever ignore it waiting a few days when he becomes his normal self?  Is it possible to treat such a character flaw by any means? Can you ever live with a constant drama in your life? Well, life with such a friend/partner/family member would never be boring for sure and your life can easily turn into a battlefield, even if you are a totally well-balanced person, avoiding conflicts.

If you have ever met such a person, your experiences and hints are highly welcome.


108 responses to “How to handle a choleric person…?? Help!

  1. dew says:

    Hahahaha. Well, you’ve created a very good description and know what we are and no, I don’t think you can change that. Maybe just let the tantrums pass or settle for someone more stable. 🙂
    Alternatively, make sure they always spend time in a sports activity and if they refuse to engage in it for a longer time, buy them a gym card as a present, just keep them physically active! Then we’re a lot more peaceful, and the optimism shines more brightly. I always throw the biggest tantrums in periods of low physical activity and feel great, and hence I suppose I argue less, when I do sport regularly. Verbal fighting will always remain a thrill for me though. 🙂 Good luck!

    A choleric

    • Dear Dew, thanks a lot for your valuable comment 🙂 I never thought one has any right to change anyone, I rather think our only “job” here is to ask ourselves the question if we can accept a person the way he/she is and create a (or not create any) relationship accordingly. As for sports, I totally agree on its significance… it’s important for me as well, and I guess it has a good effect on anyone 🙂

  2. zaza says:

    my husband is a choleric types of person..sometimes he become so violent that nobody can calm him..he beats me whenever a discussion gets wrong..so i don’t know hoe to handle him anymore?? i have started to hate that beast.but on one side i do love him, i want to save him from becoming more violent.

    • mrsedwards says:

      I’m going through the sma thing with mine

    • John says:

      I respect woman and i my self am choleric , i would prolly beat the crap out of ur husband if i were to see him beating u , all i can think about that can really calm us down in a state like that is… In fact i dont know , but i joined a kickboxing gym 3 years ago to let my anger out on others and not my family. At the point were we get pissed off all we wanna do is fight , so id recomend you to sign him up to a boxing gymbor something

  3. Karen says:

    You love him because of the soul tie, a husband and wife have, but if he beats you….you are considered a battered woman. You will lose everything in the end…..your self worth and maybe even your life….is it worth it?

  4. I’m very sorry, Zaza 😦 I completely agree with Karen, there is no excuse for violence. Simply nothing can be an explanation for that.Think about it, taking yourself to the forefront. If I were you, I would even ask for help, if necessary.

  5. John says:

    It is written last year – what about him now? Are you still together? Did you manage to calm down him?

    • No, it is history already. I’m not compatible with choleric people, at least not at the level of a romantic relationship… that’s my lesson to learn from the story 🙂

      • Julia says:

        A melancholy is more suitable for a Sanguine than a Choleric. They connect on an emotional level and a sanguine can easily brush off the criticisms of a Melancholy.

  6. nelia says:

    I am a phleg – san and my boyfriend is a typical choleric ! We keep clashing by the day ! Am afraid. We may break-up soon . How can I prevent it from happening ?

    • Ann says:

      I’m a choleric too. I think you should avoid arguing with him. He will always try to win (most of the time, at the expense of the relationship). Also, tell him what you don’t like (just facts, be practical, no drama). Whatever it is you want him to stop doing, tell him. Cholerics aren’t emotional. He can take it. There are a lot of serious weakness that we cholerics have. And in my opinion, we really have have to develop our people skills. Bottom line is, temperament are only tendencies. But it can be definitely be altered for the better. 🙂

      • Jessica Heide says:

        Ann, I agree with you! As I was reading, I was shaking my head up and down. I am a choleric also, and we DO need to work on our people skills! One thing is to see if they will take the test, and get the book Silver Boxes. It has all the positives and negatives to these 4 personalities (and the test) in it. That was the first step to helping me! I knew I was domineering, didn’t have many friends, etc., but thought it was just me! So after I took the test, and read the negatives to my personality, it helped me to know what I needed to work on for myself! So I am still working on those things to this day! 🙂 As a choleric, I get frustrated often with relationship issues- because of something I said hurt someone. It happens over and over! But, I keep going.
        I am married to a phlegmatic, and knowing my personality and his, has helped us to work with each other, and help each other change for the better! So my recommendation- have the choleric take the test, to see what they are, and maybe they will want to change! This is what happened with me, and it has helped my hubby and I’s relationship tremendously! Good luck! We are not very fun to be around! 😦

      • Julia says:

        Jessica, I like you already. The fact that you recognise your weaknesses and willing to work on them is totally admirable.
        You’ll definitely live a happy life.

      • Naledi says:

        Hi there my name is Naledi
        And ya agree with you, on most of what you said, one needs to have patience and calmness when dating such a stubborn of a being but it’s quite interesting and tricky too at the same time hey…🙈
        Sometimes hard to figure but stopped a long time ago rather flow and just be

  7. Angela says:

    If you are just dating a choleric,I suggest you leave because it does not get any better. They are not emotional and do not care about the feelings of anyone at all so there really is no use. They are high achievers but whats the use if he provides you with all you need (so to speak) but you are emotionally empty? Life it too short for another human being to restrict your happiness because of the persons extreme selfishness. If you have already married one, I suggest you build a wall around yourself,make good friends,keep family around you and never expect any love from him because you will keep hurting yourself while you keep expecting.

  8. Andi says:

    I ended an engagement to a choleric / melancholy. I cared for him very much and still do. I could not manage the controlling, demanding “always have to be right”, unteachable, manipulative,argumentative, prideful traits. I am a melancholy / phlegmatic. I like life to be fairly peaceful, especially in the home. I wish I knew how to manage his choleric traits but I felt “bulldozed” over too much and it wore me out emotionally, mentally, physically. Can he change? I tried to change. How much should either of us expect to change? I don’t know. I wish I could be with him but the relationship was very stressful for me.

    • Andi, very well done, I admire what you did (and I did the same at that time). It must have been a very difficult decision, but I think you did the best for yourself.

    • I agree with all d contibutions but when I underwent my own research on how to handle a choleric persons because am a sanguine and my boss is a choleric,he loves and respect me for this logic I use.”Pls try this logic viz;anytime he is happy or laughing,try to be frank and serious but anytime he is frank at you,try smilling”

  9. Apapa Taiwo Hamid says:

    Kudos…am phlegmatic, what type of partner will be good for me

    • Andi says:

      For phlegmatics, the choleric is actually the most complementary match. Phlegmatics need a strong leader, otherwise, the relationship would not move forward easily and things in general would not get done. However, the phlegmatic would need to be able to manage the strong temperament of the choleric. Which can be a challenge!

      Conversely, cholerics need someone to go along with their ideas, plans, etc. Phlegmatics are more natural “followers” and the ones to most easily let the cholerics have control.

      • Apapa Taiwo Hamid says:

        10ks 4 replying, but am a male phlegm, do u think i’ll be able to cope with a choleric wife?….living 2gether for years

      • nelia2 says:

        Mr Hamid from my experience it depends on how much you wiLl be able to tolerate your choleric wife. They are fussy and bossy. You have to understand you can not change that but cope with her all the days of your life! They are not emotional and natural emotional abusers. So if you can cope with all this yes! Choleric wife is perfect for you!
        Sent from my BlackBerry wireless device from MTN

    • Zaingerian says:

      A Sanguine or Melancholic would be a good match. all the best

  10. Tom Walter says:

    Tough relationship with company president. Made lots of mistakes. What works: don’t stay in your head, emotional reasoning just creates more problems.

    Pray for person daily
    Gadatude list on positive qualities of other person. Read often

    Talk to trusted friends. Get input. Take risks in relationship

    ReAd about it a lot, look for shifts it creates in your perception

    Have a good exit stratigy if things do not work out. Tomorrow will always come.

    Have fun with it. Relax.

  11. chris says:

    my girlfriend is choleric and i hate every moment of her outburst. she upsets me on a regular basis with her aggresiveness, as her aggression becomes not so clear i get even more annoyed

  12. Dawn says:

    I’ve found myself to be mostly sanguine,, but a little melancholy also,,,, my guy us 100# choleric,,,,, we bicker constantly,, I was hoping to find ways of dealing with him

  13. Dan says:

    I am choleric and I agree we are difficult to deal with. We have high energy and managing us is to keep us physically occupied most of the time. Allow us to go the gym or the sports or have time with our friends. If you r telling a choleric something, get straight to the point; he does not want to waste precious time in details. If you are discussing with him, please follow a trail of some logic/reasoning. We do not get to have many friends so if we consider you one then we really hold u close to heart. We r not good at multitasking so if we r reading a newspaper do not start explaining to me what you r seeing on TV- our concentration is always deep and narrow. We will make requests and make them sound like demands such as ‘get me a drink’ instead of ‘please get me a drink’ but we do not mean to demand, it is just how we are configured. As a choleric the people I find most difficult to deal with are the melancholics.

    • Andi says:

      Dan – Thank you for your thoughtful reply. It is interesting to see your reflection on your choleric behavior. Why do cholerics communicate in such a “bossy” way, i.e. “Get me a drink”? Why is it not natural for them to say “Please get me a drink”? Why do you find it difficult to interact with melancholies?

      • Adeniji Adedayo says:

        Am also a chloric. We behave or demand in such way not out of pride but just because of our free mind, we feel free any time anywhre because anxiety indiscipline to us, no dictatorship in our own life, but a general out-view life with the belief that we are special species

      • Jessica Heide says:

        So Dan, have you figured out how to deal with melancholies yet? 🙂 I too am a choleric, and also have a hard time dealing with melancholies. Then God blessed me with a son that is! He is only 9, so I am trying to get info NOW!!! Thanks!

      • whitney says:

        Hey Andi, I am a choleric and the reason I say things in “demand form” is because I am worried that if I ask nicely, the person will say no. This way, if the person says no, I didn’t ask nicely anyway! lol

    • nsikak edem says:

      Thanks for writing this piece.am a female choleric and somtimes i really wish dat people cud see beyond d harsh tendencies in us.its not somthing we deliberately love doing.its just a psychological make up.owing to this fact,av lost two of my relationship for reasons i somtimes cant understand.

      • Andi says:

        Again, I’d love to hear from Dan as to why he believes that melancholies are most difficult to deal with. I’m guessing is that it is because melancholies are sensitive and cholerics are abrasive. Also, cholerics like to dominate, and I don’t think that melancholies like being dominated.

    • david says:

      you are damn right boy.the feeling is mutual.

      • curtis ward says:

        Lol.i love cholerics I’m a sang/mel.now that you guys are in my life my best friend and business partner and my girlfriend.i appreciate yall get it done tendency and I get along great with ya now that understand the way your cut.its funny like watching a lion among a flock of sheep’s .

    • idnash says:

      I’m a choleric. Dan U really know hw it feel lyk I have so much problems, people come close 2 me but my attitudes usually scare them away I really need help pls som1 should help me

    • Constantine says:

      Hello Dan …
      I am a Sanguine married to a Choleric for 17 years now with two boys. When I put logic and reason down in an argument in a polite way … as she is very proud and argumentative she quickly gets in a tantrum of hands and body moving violent reaction to point out my own mistakes as she is trying to show me …I am no better than her, pointing out my trivial deficiencies! She is 16 years younger also than me …perhaps her immaturity does not help. I am especially critical of house disorder and anomaly. I like things in their place and looked after, she is accidental in her cleaning and looking after things. I love her but I feel at times I married a crazy woman that hears to no reason. What do you suggest I do ….

  14. Andi says:

    Verbal fighting remains a thrill for you? Why? I can’t say that I am surprised. 🙂 But as a phlegmatic, such things do not give me joy – as it is not conducive to the peaceful environment that I seek for refreshment. 🙂

    • SmartK8 says:

      I’m choleric. Because you seek refreshment in peaceful environment, and we seek it in argumentative environment. Every dialogue is a friendly battle. Phlegms usually put it like peaceful is good for everyone and like to pretend it is a standard or polite, but it is not, or it shouldn’t. Also we don’t like reasons like “because I said so”, “do it just for me” where no logic is included. That’s because we’re built to resist being commanded, and without a valid reason it seems like only an attempt to control us. Cholerics also extrapolate the dialog forward in time few steps ahead. So if they detect that other person in dialog is trying to manipulate, lie, be unfair, or there is a tendency. We’ll immediately call it before it happens (to stop ourselves go nuclear when you lie, or something). Sometimes even when the other person wouldn’t go that way. What “pisses” (not really long lasting as in other types though) me the most – personally – is when someone is unfair (to anyone, even to himself/herself), lies or manipulates (while he/she thinks she’s doing it “covertly”, no.. we have pretty precise bullshit detector deary). Even manipulation in a friendly tone, in a polite way. Nope… still a manipulation. As there’s much more phlegms in the world they set the standards of “politeness” that suits them. And cholerics to them are something to “handle” (as in this title), “manage”, “change”. We’re not horses, you know? Our persona is built in such way, that it is exactly opposed to attempts at being changed, manipulated, handled, managed, controlled, etc. More you’ll do it, more you’ll burn.

      • david says:

        Really like reading about cholerics. My wife is one and am sanguine. Cholerics don’t like to be controlled but like to controll orders.

      • Craig says:

        I’m starting to realize that I can only love by faith. Fyi I’m phleg, San, Mel

  15. Andi says:

    Thanks for your candor…you say you are a special species? Why do you believe that you cholorics are more special than others?

    • smartk8 says:

      It’s the other way round. I know we (all four character types) are all special in our own way, and needed. As there are a bit more phlegms then other types (it’s a phenotype, so it depends on population in a given area really, or your relatives if you don’t live there too long) they mark us cholerics as a almost disease to be treated with anger management. It’s like non-sense gay conversion therapy. We can’t change what we are. You can shame/force us to not be ourselves (to repress our true selves), but that’s only it. As other types we have our up sides, and down sides. Other types usually like to pretend that temper control is a thing, because that way their in-born disposition can be sold as their skill, and cholerics are viewed as people who are unable to control it -> lesser people who need to be taught. But that’s false image of it. There’s hundreds of years of this, just like left-handed people were shamed once. Now special tools are made just for them. One day in the future, there will be better society standards not to provoke cholerics intentionally. Because it is also true, that other types are pushing us for fun, about non-important things, then using it later in argument. Sick. It is not a skill to push us to bring, but NOT to push us. Of course to people used to sneaky manipulation it seems sudden when cholerics detect their bullcrap and call them on it. Sometimes false positives are detected, that’s just the nature of the thing. You can’t disallow character type his bad properties. But to a certain point it is normal. Phlegmatics are pushed to be more communicative and passionate, melancholics to be more strong, and happy. Sanguines to be less shalow, and more responsible. Etc. but it is lost fight. We should embrace our inner combination of these, and make our society to count on them rather then repress us to an uniform mass. I live my life like a out of the closet choleric, and I much happier then before. I enjoy arguments.

  16. Andi says:

    Here’s a page full of details on the choleric temperament. Enjoy! Just reading it wore me out. Yikes. http://www.womenschristiantherapy.com/THE_CHOLERIC.pdf

  17. Andi says:

    Here’s one about the melancholy temperament. http://www.womenschristiantherapy.com/MELANCHOLY.pdf

  18. petros says:

    Hello to everyone, this web is good point, but doesn’t make sense do only chitchat here, there is so many people who has choleric partner and they need help, I think its normal personality disorder or mental disturbances and should be treated by shrink. I have choleric at home and I know as you do, its not easy. We do not need to define what choleric is, because we already know that, WE NEED HELP! Real help.

  19. lesh says:

    Chols like to win so I just say ‘you win.’ That makes them but they don’t understand why.

    I’m phleg-x; 0% chol. Chols are cool (not). Sanguines are fun but flakes. Mels are sweet.

  20. sacred says:

    Andi, I love that you attached the pdf of the choleric and melancholy. Do you have ones for the sanguine and phelgmatic as well? Thanks! This information has helped me understand better myself and my fiancee.

  21. fodyville says:

    Well am a choleric by temperament bt over time I have learnt to identify my weakness (such as anger resulting from sensitivity, impatient and seem to know it all attitude )though to be candid I can be a pain in the ass sometimes which has cost me a lot of friends as I aas quick to say I dnt want to be friends with people.But lately I have learnt to be patient.my advice on how to handle cholerics is simply by being very patient and tickling their ego as so doing can suppress the adrenaline level in them and also indirectly boost the creative side of them as cholerics are highly creative people.However, not in all cases are they always right in their decisions but can be 65% accurate .so to some degree they can be dependable.i hope this explanation be helpful, I welcome questions and will be glad to respond to them.

  22. Spirit says:

    I am a melancholy temperament and I find choleric people in general unpleasant to deal with. My advice would be just to avoid them. If you are in a relationship with a choleric, end it. If you are not in a situation that you can leave, try to realize that they don’t really see YOU, and are not interested in YOU. They are very self centered and goal oriented people and for them only the goal/winning counts at whatever cost. They also think they are perfect and they do everything best and everyone else is less (clever, speedy, you name it) than them which makes trying to reason with them a waste of time. The problem is at their end, nothing to do with you. There must be nice cholerics around as well, but so far I have not met (m)any.

  23. Peace says:

    Recently discovered I’ve been married to a choleric for the past 7 years. I’m phlegmatic but now realize his personality has rubbed off on me as I try to assert myself. I’m beginning to have choleric traits and I’m losing my temper and going crazy. During courtship, he hid under the umbrella of shyness but revealed his true nature few days after marriage. His anger is explosive, he argues so much, he reminds me if my errors, doesn’t look at me. I can cry from night till morning and he is angry that I’m crying. I’ve stopped crying in front of him and now I’m stubborn and angry as he is. How do I deal with this personality? Do I just become passive- aggressive as I am? I will quit trying to change him from now on. He always says I’m trying to be the head. He says I’m controlling him or trying to control him. He finds faults with me always. He says I think I am smart but he will show me he is smarter. Please help as I have been turned into his competitor. I am burnt out completely emotionally. The only way to survive seems to be to remain passive. I am open to advice, comments, help.

    • Julia says:

      I sense he is MelChlor.
      Do a Google search on MelChlor.
      Choleric never act shy (Maybe ChlorPhlegs). MelChlors, on the other hand, could be shy, are in need of control, get angry easily, INTENTIONALLY hurt their partners with their words especially as a retaliatory act, are bitter etc. They have problems with fear and anger.

      I’m Phlegmatic, but I have plenty of issues with Mels. They can be petty, hurtful with their words, illogical, unreasonable and make you miserable (except for MelPhlegs) if they haven’t learnt to work on their temperament weaknesses. As a friend, I wouldn’t have any problem though (my closest friend is one), but life Partner? Nah!
      I think we have more Mels than any other temperament type. Phlegs are not many.

    • Julia says:

      In addition, I’ll advise that you talk to him, when he’s calm. Calmly let him know how you feel and how he’s hurting you. Ask him if there’s anyway he wants you to modify your behaviour, so that he wouldn’t feel as if it’s a one-way street.
      If this isn’t working, seek counselling from someone he respects and is trusted.

  24. Rae says:

    I recently have been trying to understand myself and work on my faults. I am co-dependant but I am also choleric. In friendships and relationships I suffer from both. Anyone have some insight? I am bossy and domineering, but also very people pleasing. Any help is greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance.

    • Bimbo says:

      You are probably Choleric with some traits of Phlegmatic, for you to be people pleasing. What I may recommend though is that you remind yourself that you’re responsible for whatever decision you make. In other words, trying to please people in other that they call you good or whatever you may love to be referred to, may not be the solution.
      Look inwards, read books on interpersonal relationships, boundaries, but never try to please, to the detriment of your beliefs and values.

  25. febirim says:

    Hi ppl!
    I have a choleric personality by default. I have read your posts. I admit to having some of the faults listed here. Am working on them. God’s grace is helping me. I think it can too for others like me out there. But we shld understand our personality is not our character so whenever there is a room for a positive change adopt it in your character. That way we become better people. My issue now is that I don’t have many friends mainly attributed to the choleric appearance I have and maintain especially on first meeting so some may conceive me emotionless. But upon having closer relationship with such individuals they find am not as stolid as I appear, I need little help on that. Character building is necessary

  26. Julia says:

    As a Phleg, I’ve always desired some of the strengths Cholerics possess, thus, I’ve always wanted to get married to one since I have no Chlor attributes.
    What I’m not comfortable with is when people say that Phlegmatic are always good matches for Cholerics because they don’t mind being domineered; unfortunately (or fortunately), I don’t fall into this category. I don’t want to be controlled or domineered even for a minute. In fact, such makes me want to dig my feet in the ground, and gently (the Phleg way) go the other way.

    I believe Cholerics should go for Phlegs and vice – versa, because they can learn from each other. The Chlor can learn how to relate with people diplomatically and gently, while the Phlegmatic can learn to be confident and be an achiever.

    Sanguines can learn to be organised and thoughtful from Mels, while Mels can learn to savour life and less sensitive about issues.

    Well, I’m learning to be assertive and be able to tell people unpleasant truths, even if I have to take a deep breath.

    • Lady says:

      Hi guys!! It interesting reading your post. I have a choleric boy friend whom at first I did not understand how he behaves like that but one day I read about these four temperament and got to know dat he is a Cholmel blend and am Melphl what I did and still doing is to hammer on his good side confront him when he does what I don’t like usually choleric likes to be praised, showing them affection but with them nt in public cos they show their love mostly when they are intimate with u and when u don’t argue with them cos always their is Right. What I will say is pray for them, tell them u love them, confront them when they are at fault at time they are in gud mood, don’t be too emotional with them cos they re not. They are gud people at getting things done and always hopeful they never give up and help in getting things done. Lastly, i will say know your self first ,and your partner ,then it will help u know how u will steer the affairs of your relationship to make it enjoying . Note: Everyone is good but if you don’t know how to deal with that person he/she will not be good to U and Everyone is not good but if you know how to deal with that person he/she will be good to U.

  27. caro says:

    am a melancholic and have dated a choleric guy for 4 good years. He provides me with whatever I want. We’ve already introduced ourselves to the parents . We had a plan of marrying next year but then, he is stubborn not to change any of his weaknesses. Most if all, he rarely communicates and visits me while am away to campus, claiming that he is busy at Work place. What should I do?

  28. good day im sanguine ? type i inlove choleric type i dont know they look like weird but this man is so challenging to me he is every thing for me. the problems is i dont know his likes of fun? help me i dont wanna lose him. please give me info!

  29. Rese says:

    Hi Julia, and everyone else who has commented and shared their thoughts.

    Thank you for sharing so openly about the choleric temperament. its insightful. it’s one thing to read about the temperament, but it helps even more to get it from the horse’s mouth. Being with a Choleric is not easy and there’s never a dull moment. I am currently in a relationship with a choleric man and its been a whirlwind of sorts, with plenty of highs and lows.

    Julia, I understand where you are coming from in saying that you have always wanted to get married to one. I completely agree with you in saying that you don’t like being controlled and will immediately look the other way when you sense that things are going in that direction. Some writers have even suggested that the choleric and phlegmatic can actually co-exist because the phlegmatic is the only temperament that the choleric can’t control due to their stubborn and strong willed persona.

    There are plenty of qualities that I have come to appreciate about the choleric whereas before my first insist would be to avoid them at all costs. Being a phlegmatic myself, I admire the choleric for their strengths and their no nonsense persona, decisiveness, intelligence just to name a few. I could learn from them here and there but we don’t always see eye to eye.

    My biggest lesson is that cholerics are not to be feared and that loyalty means the world to them. if you find that a choleric has allowed you into their life and heart, there is an openness that comes from them but that naturally takes time.

    The arguments will continue and persist because everyone wants to get a word in but ultimately a compromise has to be reached.

    Thank you all for sharing.

  30. sarah vega ramos says:

    i learn to love choleric they have lot of notions to share with. they really love information… we are now 4 years since college. each day love grows more and more!!!! i am melphleg… indeed they have strong willed temperament but they are really sweet… we cant live without both… we usually find ways to see and clamoring to marry soon!!!! for me, choleric is the best!!! yah i do love info too but by listening to him i get learned more!!!!! He is my best inspiration…

  31. Simonglorious says:

    I was raised by a choleric father. My siblings and i were emotionally battered and wounded by constant criticism, hitting, negative words etc leading to a poor self image. I still recall some disciplinary measures he took that turned bloody. As a result, some of us hated him, avoided and deserted him. My mum also had her own fair of it and they eventually got separated due to his being hard to please. But i stayed with him and loved him till he died. As a phlegmatic, i still bear the brunt of that bad parental upbringing till date-an emotional wound that has destroyed my self esteem.
    So, these are the results of marrying a choleric, but for me i can never marry one. So look b4 u leap. Peace.

  32. Palona Geoffrey says:

    Ahahah, lol.

    i actually dont see any challenge in dealings with different personality types mayb except for those who mayb unreasonable..

    otherwys for the rest, doesnt matter of which personality type / temparement he\she falls- FOR THERE IS ALWAYS A WAY.

    The most important thing is knowing who you are, the pple you relate to, their circles, both your environments and ones background..

    knowing all that, you will come to realize relating to pple will alwayzs be lyk mhhh


    Mjienjoyi fellas

  33. Aidee says:

    It’s really sad that when you dating the choleric, he tries to be nice and have everything under control. When once you are married to them, they control and ruin your life with low self esteem.
    There is too much argument over nothing, no apologies but you must apologise to him even when he offends you. no emotional display and sex comes when he wants it and not when you do. always dictating and fights to be in control.
    A choleric does not take any advice because he knows it all and he uses all he has to suppress everyone. Finally he wants you to listen to him talk from morn till night about his interest and doesn’t care about yours. As wives, we need help.

  34. Aidee says:

    I have been married to a choleric for few years now. I now wonder how I have been coping to his talking while I do the listening. If you do not listen, he feels rejected. His anger is like a volcano waiting to erupt over nothing and he has no apologies whatsoever. You have to do the apologies or he starts finding an avenue of revenge perhaps sleeps out of the house just to get back at you. He blames you for every wrong action he takes, controls you till you loose your self esteem. I can’t stand the control and am almost thinking of walking out. I have prayed and exhibit enough patience. As a melancholy, i hate to be suppress so I now see myself angered at his appearance and very vengeful. I need advice cos divorce is not a good option.

    • Pearl dee says:

      I can relate to your experience…. I felt exactly how you do but the grace of God has helped me overcome the resentment and all the negatives. The key is KNOWING who you are dealing with and to decide to stay by their side no matter what, then it will help to overlook all the drama (I must say it’s not easy though, you will feel like giving up atimes ) it’s worth a try, shalom!

  35. Guys, I’m impressed by the number of comments to this post of mine. I never thought so many of you feel concerned by this subject. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
    By the way, I just bumped into “my choleric guy” (the inspiration of this post) the other day, after years of no contact. First I felt curious to be updated about him, but then the memories of emotional terror came back, and I decided not to pursue any contact. Wishing him all the best, just leave it as it is, following our separate ways.

  36. Gabriel says:

    To me every one knows melancholic is good nd they resist arrogancy so been melchlic u should prove maturity b4 choleric pple u wont accept intimidacy by acting positive always dont be too close to them nd prove to be nice never give them much chances for them to brag or intimidate u be a little bit far from nd not too far nd with time they will respect u bcos they are not emotional been too close to them make them to feel better than it all about maturity then u can win choleric temperament people. Tank alot

  37. ada eze says:

    In my experience,married to a choleric man, I have taken responsibility to own my life . we do a lot of things separately as this keeps both of us sane. funny! but to stay together we’ve adopted our adaptive features. we plan things differently vacations etc. since we adopted this method they’ve been less arguments in our home

  38. PC says:

    I am a phleg and have dated mostly the opposites – choleric women. They are very charming and engaging, but often anger issues arise. Mostly the problem is a lack of formation – working through their lesser qualities and becoming a better person. They find it difficult to change, and are habitual in nature. Most refuse counselling or self development. They live by instincts and their innate social skills.
    I have ended relationships when the tantrums continue after repeated warnings. They need to know that certain behaviours are in fact violent. Yelling at a loved one is being violent, and a healthy relationship is poisoned by that. There are exceptions were maybe for cultural reasons two people are very vocal when arguing, and things get sorted that way. But the introverts do like peace and harmony, and they are an integral part in a choleric’s life – teaching them to be centered and more at peace with themselves. Just like a choleric teaches a phleg to be a little more stronger and to stand up for themselves.
    They are prone to be the most difficult, but with formation can be an amazing person.

  39. Zaingerian says:

    If you are a Choleric then know that you’d be respected but never truely loved in the long run.

    • That would be indeed a pity to conclude that cholerics cannot be loved, as they do have their charm, just like any other types. I would say that it takes a certain personality to love them. Personally, I always look at how much a person is able to adapt, rather than his character by default. So I broke up with my choleric guy because I saw no adaptation potential in him.

  40. John Blessing NenyTluv says:

    Why u act d way u do

  41. Pati says:

    I ABSOLUTELY DESPISE the choleric temperament!!!

  42. Petra says:

    If you cannot handle a choleric, don’t. I also blame the choleric who chooses to stay in any kind of relationship where he or she is annoyed. I’m a choleric-melancholic and I have always dumbly adapted for others and eventhough I spent my time helping them, taking my time away when I should be helping myself so to speak, sacrificied my success, stood by their side, kept my mouth shut, because nobody believed my side of the story and so on, I was still treated like garbage, because apparently cholerics are evil by nature, wish no good to others, hate order and what not and all that by simply expressing observations that others could not see. I also come from a large family where I was never appreciated, same goes for most of my life and I do not have to wonder why that is so. My fault among others is that I care too much also because that’s the way I was brought up. I have hated most of my life simply because of not being accepted, being hated and being pushed behind of who I am. Hope you get the picture of how a choleric-melancholic also feels, beside what you see.

    • Dear Petra, thank you for sharing. I can easily understand how you feel. I think you should love yourself by all means, regardless of what others think, and just find persons who love you as you are.

  43. Owolabi mayowa says:

    Hun!,it incredible’ the only advice i can give u is to av d spirit of God e.g love,patience,lng sufferng,etc apart 4rm this u can not lev wt him wtht quarrel,

  44. Paul says:

    How does a phlegmatic husband now handle an extremely Choleric wife with a melancholic added side? Does anyone have any ideas cos its driving me crazy already. Like gasoline extremely flammable, easily angered, very difficult to pacify and pet, destructive with words, cursing, very determined to revenge, always assuming the control….. The list goes on. Please if there is anyone who shares my plight and has been able to successfully work things out, I need your formula.

    • lesh2000 says:

      Ignore them when in bad behavior praise good

    • SmartK8 says:

      Don’t lie or tell unfair/misleading things.
      Don’t talk to him/her like he/she is dumb.
      Don’t try to control/manipulate/handle him/her.
      Don’t assume calm argument is good, loud argument is bad.
      Don’t try to calm him/her down, it’s so patronizing, it makes me angry even thinking about it.

      Flammable/loud/screaming is not angry for choleric!

      Get off your high horse, get to the merit of the things, say what you want/think directly without indirect hints or hyperboles, if he/she doesn’t want to agree/participate/do it, tough luck. If you’ll try to force him/her, you’re in a world of hurt. Loud and angry in phlegmatic => problem, last stage of being angry, loud and angry in choleric => normal state, nothing is happening. Crying in anger => last stage of anger for choleric. Also choleric is usually angry at meta conversation pretty quickly not the actual think you’re talking about. Like trying to manipulate/mislead/calm him/her. Phlegmatic is still baffled why is choleric so pissed to wash the dishes, while choleric is “angry” that you still didn’t told him that lie you’re trying to hide from him/her.

      That would be a good start. If you can’t handle that someone else is actually trying to control situation or you can’t help yourself to throw matchsticks on the gasoline and then being surprised it really catches fire all the time, then you probably better choose someone else.

      I hope this helps a bit.

      Source: I’m choleric, and glad to be so. Not like those melancholic self-absorbed weaklings, phlegmatic wannabe schemers or superficial sanguines. Just to make sure that no type is perfect. Yes, we’re easily agitated with built-in tendency to control things and oppose being controlled by someone we don’t deem worth, but at least we’re sincere about it.

      It’s not art to piss us off, but NOT to piss us off.

      • lesh2000 says:

        Stuff like that

      • Forte4bliss says:

        This person must be an arrogant choleric, who care less about others and want the whole world for themselves alone. want to be praised even wen they’re wrong – which mostly they are. I hate their domineering spirit, always want people to listen to their arrogant speeches. Cholerics u need to change and at least feel other people. Disregard others be cox they feel on top.

      • ice_kharis says:

        We are beautiful people, all 4 temperaments. You should check yourself before you say hateful stf abt others in order to justify ur own person. But since we’re on the issue of cholerics. My piece is this: a choleric sets a trap that ends up backfiring in the long run, the aim is to protect himself/herself frm harm by thinking ahead and harming the other person first. This trap only backfires because most of these pple where not out to harm you in the first place. My advice, seek out a melancholia for help. But make sure he/she is mature. They’re always sensible.

      • dhee says:

        Nice! #TeamCholeric

      • John says:

        Same … I agree with u in everything

      • Matt says:

        Love your reply!

        Cant resist but to keep the chat going.



  45. chiamaka says:

    can someone posses two templament and which templament should marry which templament.

  46. Tina says:

    Hi, i am a sanguine too. My husbsnd a choleric. Your words are so correct. I have made the same experience. I am on the virge of leaving him, because I am no longer willing to take all his shit.
    I love his intelect – and yes it never gets boring.

  47. Senior Man says:

    I have and currently I am in a relationship with one and hoping to get married. I will say in as much as they are unstable, they also have their good times and what I do is I don’t focus on what she has done wrong but on all those times she has tried to do the right thing after knowing she has been wrong. I can practically tell you that it is not an easy task but I have learnt how to manage her and I love her so much that I don’t allow the wrongs override the little right she has done sincerely. We all have one problem or another, we should remember that someone will have to manage us some day. Show them much LOVE and don’t count anything wrong she has done and you will be fine.

  48. Amy Dischler says:

    Does anyone still respond to questions? My question is what does the mother of a young Choleric adult do when they are making bad choices which hurts your grandchildren….How do you make them see their bad choice??? Without setting them off??? Them thinking you and the world is against them??

  49. Gregory says:

    It’s important to know who you are n your weakness before trying to understand someone. I have a choleric assistant n you can imagine. Wanting to knock me off position to and assume power from a melancholy. Professional friction. But am taming the beast in him. The fight is still on n messing up in even my relationship matters just to win. But ………….

  50. Gregory says:

    I also don come easy

  51. Rachel says:

    I have been living with a choleric husband for 12 years and I have always been a stable and happy person. Although I have sustained bad tempers, psychological and physical abuse etc my recommendation is as much as you love this person and you want to stay and help it’s a long battle and if you don’t want to endure and can’t day after day then don’t. My energy has been sucked dry and my happiness depleted. If you think they will change, forget about it. They don’t, they just shift their anger towards the weaker in the house and that can be kids or animals. And the last thing you want is to watch a 30 yr old throw a baby walker at in the direction of a 1 yr old who first of all got scared beyond belief that you can never fix that emotional distraught but also having to call the police and watch them being taken but even the cops having trouble to restrain him. If you are in a relationship like that my advice is leave. I thought maybe advice from the bible or other forms of help will work but it didn’t. The last thing he did was drive under the influence and had the nerve to say it’s my fault. Choleric people do not accept responsibility and they are cowards.

  52. Constantine says:

    SmartK8, I read all comments here. Found yours most interesting! Please help me!

    I am a Sanguine married to a Choleric for 17 years now with two boys. When I put logic and reason down in an argument in a polite way … as she is very proud and argumentative she quickly gets in a tantrum of hands and body moving violent reaction to point out my own mistakes as she is trying to show me …I am no better than her, pointing out my trivial deficiencies! She is 16 years younger also than me …perhaps her immaturity does not help. I am especially critical of house disorder and anomaly. I like things in their place and looked after, she is accidental in her cleaning and looking after things. I love her but I feel at times I married a crazy woman that hears to no reason. What do you suggest I do ….

  53. osmond okoye says:

    am a choleric…
    nothing can possibly change I for the time being

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